It's been a long day. How sad is that at 2pm? Pretty sad, let me tell you. The crazy lady at work is still crazy, I still work for my husband, I still (despite all of it) enjoy my job. No, really, I do. I DO. Dammit.

Today, Matt registered for classes at the college. This is weird for me. You might ask, "Kyria, why is this weird for you?" and I would tell you that I remember, vividly, my first boyfriend registering for classes at the start of my sophomore year of high school. Matthew is experiencing things I remember experiencing... not just growing up. Not that I personally registered for classes at college... but still. It's like being displaced in some crazy time warp.

So, it's August. Ian turns 10 next week. It's been a decade since I had my last baby. Also bizarre. He's amazing-smart... but he's a bit on the high-drama side of life. I don't know where this comes from. *thinking about Mike* oh, wait.

Planning a trip to Disney next summer. I have to account for the fact that my oldest son is bringing his girlfriend. This has led to conversations such as: 'do you plan to sleep in the same bed?' and 'i don't care if you do, just tell me before we get to the lobby' It will also, undoubtedly, lead to 'if you go back to the hotel room in the middle of the day for a... 'rest', please please please, make sure your brother knows you're 'resting' so he knows not to also head back to the room' Zach is bringing someone, too, but I don't have a heads up on that situation yet. It will lead to more awkward. Motherhood is awkward. Parenting in general is awkward.

Found out I'm going to be in a wedding. That's cool. Excited. I mean, it's ONLY MY BABY SISTER. :) Willow has informed me that she will be wed in Florida within the next couple of years. So... I'm going to have to go to Florida.

Fuck. My life is hard. Hehehe.

I am angsty.

My back hurts all of the time. It's not the excruciating pain that I had right after I hurt it but it hurts. If at any point in my day I'm not sitting, it hurts. Seriously. Standing, ow. Kneeling, ow. Walking, ow. SLEEPING, OW. I stopped doing anything with my hair because holding the curling iron up that long while standing is agonizing. I stopped putting on makeup for work (not that I ever wore a ton of it) because my eyelashes being a tiny bit thicker wasn't worth the pain I had to endure to make them that way. It makes me sad. I'm trying really hard to not let this bother me much but it's hard having constant pain. I'm trying REALLY hard not to let it contribute to my inherent laziness. I've started walking again in the evenings, which has been wonderful because I love to be outside in the summer. I've stopped asking Mike to fetch me everything. I'm really trying. Standing isn't sitting, though, so it's hard to want to go get something myself knowing that it's going to hurt.

In addition to the back thing, I'm having a difficult time at work with this lady that makes me crazy. It doesn't help that Mike doesn't feel comfortable addressing my issues with her because I'm his wife. I get this, I really really do. I just feel like the fact that he doesn't address it, like, ever, makes the spouse issue way more of a spouse issue. Now there have been people that have loved working for Mike. I am not one of those people. I think he is great at the business management and awful at the people management. This whole "I'm not going to deal with your issues" thing is really just enforcing the opinion I had developed of his management style way back in the day of CL. This is a hard thing to talk to him about because Mike thinks he's amazing at his job... And he really can be, which is part of why this is so frustrating. A long time ago, as a peer and his wife, he asked me if he was a good manager and what people had to say about him... and I told him the truth, because he asked for it. "Mike, people either love you or hate you, there's never an in between. I'd say the camp is split 50/50 on this one." You know what came of that? He thought I made it up. So, yeah, constructive conversation on this topic is not happening. (Ken, I know you're laughing at me. Stop it.)

Tomorrow is Father's Day. I booked Mike a massage. So, I have a backache constantly and my husband, who is my manager and stuck in "bad manager" mode, is getting a massage. Do you know how galling it is to buy your bad manager a massage when your back hurts all of the time?

Insert annoyed, resigned sigh here.

I'm tired. I actually had a post saved from mid-May but given that this is now early June, it's not very useful to me. Is it really June already?

Matt graduated last weekend. Well, the weekend before last. Last weekend was yesterday. Anyway, it was great. I held it together. No tears for me.... and then he gave me flowers and I cried like a little girl. Which would mean more if I was, say, a grown man. Since I'm me, crying like a little girl seems a less accurate description of my waterworks somehow. In my defense, he surprised me while I was cooking in the kitchen at his party. Unexpected flowers + stressful cooking spree at party + MY OLDEST GRADUATED = tears. Anyway, lots of people, lots of food, lots of RockBand. It was a fun time. Now he's trying to find a job. Hey, I'm just excited that he got out of bed before 7 this morning to go for a run with Hannah.

Ian has gone off to spend some time with Grandma. I miss him. He calls me at night before bed but he's all distracted by TV. We don't have TV so the fact that he now has like 9billion channels to pick from keeps him from focusing on how much he loves and misses me. I forgive him, though. TV is pretty cool, after all.

Zach is out for the summer an so far all he's done is nothing. He's bored all of the time. Today, though, he's going to go hang out in Gypsum with some friends. Some highly dramatic female friends. I expect nothing good will come of it. He's highly dramatic himself, as far as boys go... I will hear all about the unjust treatment of his friends at dinner tonight. I'm almost excited.

I hurt my back during my stressed out cooking spree. It's getting better and I've graduated from vicodin to advil but Mike is still worried and all ready to send me to the doctor. I figure I'll see how it goes for another week and then mebbe. It's not that I don't want to feel better it's just that last time I went the doctor told me to wait it out and it would get better. So, we'll see. Bonus, though, I can't lift anything. Seriously, a gallon of milk causes me pain. So (hehehehehheehe) I can't do laundry! YAY!